Somewhere in my core - down in the depths of my soul there's an urge that won't be suppressed. Its an ember that burns and won't go out, which sometimes bursts into flame. In spite of everything (and everything is a lot) the desire still burns.

I remember on our team bus one time, in the middle of open countryside feeling 'sick as a dog' as the expression goes. We were on our way to a church we did not know, in country where we did not speak the language. Something we had eaten was strongly urging me to stop. My stomach churned in agreement. Looking at the open land rolling by I was reminded of the England of my childhood. In those days you would see donkeys, and men 'driving' around on a flat bed cart, pulled by a horse which looked like it would rather be somewhere else. The same then, when I was a child, as Bulgaria on that day not too long ago. At our weakest point the devil often tries to drag us all the way down. Why does it have to be so hard? Why am I homesick not just for a place but also for a time, reflected here in this foreign country. I have nothing.

On our arrival at the church we assembled for prayer. As service time approached the people arrived and we began to connect in worship with these friends we didn't know. What a glorious time. All I could do was tell the truth: "I'm pretty empty and knocked down right now. How is it that sometimes the God life is so hard....?"

The bare soul and open honesty connected and instantly bonded. We are friends still. Sometimes you have to keep going when you don't feel like it. It wasn't a very long 'preach' but it hit home, and in the fellowship of the saints we were encouraged. The kingdom advanced that night, I believe. On it goes today, because of us - you and me and others - and sometimes in spite of us. It feels good to be a part.